They Might Be Staying to Survive Until They Can Get Away – A Survivor Story

This story was submitted by a volunteer with PeaceWorks. A friend of hers wrote this and gave us permission to share it here. It’s so important to understand that people stay for a lot of different reasons, including their own survival, and that doesn’t make them at fault for their abuse.

“I’ve though long and hard about if I should post this or not, but decided it could help save a life.

Domestic violence is everywhere and doesn’t show favoritism. It can happen to men and women. It has to stop! I never, in a million years, though I would end up in a relationship where someone would want to hurt me. Remember friends telling me how much they didn’t like this individual (he will be unnamed because he doesn’t matter anymore to me). I remember ignoring them because this guy told me everything I wanted to hear. Little did I know the person he was pretending to be didn’t exist. He was a devil posing as an angel.

First, after we started living together, it started off with little insults about my body. I was fat, ugly, no one would want to touch me, my kids have such a dumb mom. Those types of things. I was pregnant and had no idea what to do. Shortly after saying those things, I’d get the “I’m sorry” routine and how he didn’t mean it, but the damage was done.

The week my daughter was born, I found he had been cheating since day one. there was no “sorry”, it was that I was so ugly and stupid he had no other choice. I then “paid” for finding out. He refused to pay the bills so I would have to pay them all and have no money left over to move out. There was a lot of verbal abuse. I would wake up to him screaming in my face because I didn’t get to the crying baby fast enough. He took the wheels off my car so I had to rely on him to get me to and from work. He started throwing stuff at me and it would hit and cut and bruise me. However, I “made” him do it because I was so stupid. I was working full time and staying up with a baby all night because he didn’t want to. He threatened to take my baby away from me. He refused to let me take my son to get something he forgot and my house because he didn’t want me using his car, but my car was disabled. He would take the cable box when he went to work so I couldn’t watch tv. I wasn’t allowed to wash my clothes. I remember growing clothes in the washer when he would run errands and race back and forth, making sure the laundry was done before he came back home.

I would be so panicked. There were many times he would corner me in the bathroom and I’d sit on the bathroom floor with my daughter, sobbing and begging him to stop and he would yell horrible things to me for the longest time. The physical abuse was not something I have ever really shared with many people because I was embarrassed. I would hide the bruises and stay home until they disappeared. I remember standing in front of coworkers or friends, praying they would see it and help save me. My family lived too far away to be able to help me and they had no idea how bad it really was.

I remember the final straw. I had just had surgery one day and he got mad over something I did. I was carrying a box and he came up behind me and shoved the box into my stomach where all my stitches were and busted one open. I remember the fear I had for him. I slept with my bedroom door locked and a gun under my pillow.

I finally got a job that allowed me to save money and get away. I hid money for months, found a place and moved out one day right after he left for work. I never looked back.

Fast forward to now, 2 years later, and I can say I’m not a victim of domestic violence but instead, I’m a survivor. I got the much needed therapy I needed to deal with what I went through. I honestly didn’t think I’d ever trust another man. Thankfully, I met the most understand and gentle man who helped me learn to trust again and never fear men again. I sadly still have to deal with my abuser due to my child, but now I can hang up the phone or shut the door when he starts up.

If you are in a situation similar, please reach out for help, or if you’re a survivor as wells, be proud! You got yourself away alive!

Domestic violence is real and people make it seem like these people enduring it are stupid for staying. Realize they might be staying to survive until they can get away!”