January 24th is National Compliment Day. Celebrate it by going all out with praise! Whether giving or receiving, a compliment is very powerful and can boost one’s confidence and happiness. Give somebody a reason to smile!
If you see someone doing a good job, or doing work that you admire, it is a good idea to compliment them! Compliments are engrained into human nature. Many of us give compliments daily without even giving it a second thought. But, have you ever noticed yourself deflecting a compliment?
Did you realize that a study of “Sex-Based Differences in Compliment Behavior” [Herbert, (1990) Language in Society, 19(2), 201-224] found that women only accept compliments 40% of the time? When the compliment comes from another woman, that compliment is only accepted 22% of the time! We noticed this one day in the office as well. One woman received a nice compliment, started to deflect, mentioned how hard it is to not deflect compliments, and then immediately graciously accepted the compliment!
Why do women find it so hard to accept compliments?
Sometimes, it is a self-worth, or self-esteem issue. Compliments can make people with low self-worth feel uncomfortable because it contradicts their own personal views of themselves. When a woman feels negative about herself, and she receives a compliment, she can feel pressured to continuously live up to those same ideals and expectations.
The main reason cited in Herbert’s study, is that the women felt embarrassed by the compliment (61%). But, not everyone who has a hard time accepting a compliment has low self-worth. Oftentimes there are cultural factors at play. In the study, other women did not want to draw attention to themselves (55%), felt uncomfortable (47%), or did not believe that the words were spoken with sincerity (38%). Oftentimes, women do want to accept a compliment, but are not sure how to do that without looking entitled, arrogant, or conceited.
What to keep in mind when accepting a compliment:
1. Assume sincerity. If you know this person is a good-natured person, then it is unlikely that they have bad intent with their compliment.
2. Resist the urge to deny or deflect. Avoid downplaying the compliment. Let it stand.
3. Say “Thank you!”. Graciously accept the compliment using a verbal acknowledgement.
Many default to deflection of a compliment in an attempt to appear humble. However, humility and false humility are not the same. If you can maintain an honest and proper perspective of yourself, your accomplishments and your talents, you are a person with humility. A person with humility is very self-aware. Humility is not self-deprecating or a sign of low self-worth. A humble person is able to accept compliments and praise. So, the next time someone deflects a compliment you have given them with a self-deprecating response, or with a compliment for you, tell them that accepting compliments and acknowledging good things about themselves does not make them a bad person. It is okay to accept a compliment!
