Why is self-care and self-compassion so difficult for some of us? Some of us are so busy giving and taking care of others that we forget to put our “oxygen mask” on first. For some, this is just part of our DNA – where we were raised to put ourselves last . . . or have we been beaten down to the point where we don’t believe we deserve anything more than the leftovers?
Although I am sometimes curious about “the why”, I don’t think “the why” is as important as what are you doing to change so that you can be first; so that you are treating yourself as the unique, delicate, beautiful life force that you are. After all there is only one of you! The why is the past . . . what are you going to do for yourself in the present?
I believe our journeys are what shape us as women. Today, we can pick the path along that journey. Being a bit worn down from holiday overload, I was thinking to myself this afternoon what did I do for myself and what have I done for others today. I am by no means an expert in self-care, yet I do know without it you are going to burn out and completely empty out.
Some of my daily practices include:
1. Daily Gratitude – This can’t help but bring a smile to your face. The great thing about gratitude is that you can practice it several times throughout the day. My family is part of my daily gratitude.
2. Proper Hydration and Nutrition – I always start the day with a glass of lemon water or Sole, yes even before that cup of joe or tea. I hydrate with H2O throughout the day. You are what you eat . . . it’s true! What better way to love yourself than feeding your body and mind with healthy yummy foods?
3. Spirituality – One part of my spirituality is that I start and end my day with Reiki, energy that comes from the highest spiritual source. Reiki connects me to my true nature which is the love, wisdom and power that is within me.
4. Exercise – There are many, many ways and no excuses! Walking, yoga, blocking, paddle boarding hiking . . . if you can manage 15 minutes twice a day, the benefits are astounding (the research is out there!).
5. Positive Self-talk – If you do not believe in yourself, who will? This may be the most important self-care strategy. Making deliberate shifts in your self-talk is one of the most meaningful ways you can care for yourself. Anybody can do it, and you can start by developing a mindful awareness of your own thoughts. Then, you can shut down that bully and turn that talk into caring supportive conversations for your own wellbeing.
6. Family and relationships – Growth, love and companionship; my heart swells just thinking about all those that are special to me and have played a role in my life and my experiences. We owe it to ourselves to foster healthy relationships, set healthy boundaries, and to grow and learn from interactions and relationships. You are amazing, don’t keep yourself shut in.
7. Journaling, Reflection and Meditation – For me journaling and reflection act as a daily cleanse. If you are not a fan of writing, try recording your thoughts on your smart phone . . . it is a burst of energy for me, and there are no rules. Meditation is a great option, but I am more of an active sort. I meditate and exercise my breathe while walking when I am outdoors. It connects me to the earth and my body. I also incorporate meditation with yoga and most recently blocking.
8. Do what you love – If you do not know what you love, get busy and curious, maybe volunteer! Have fun, laugh and find humor every day. Basically, do not be afraid to tap into that inner child and embrace them as they twirl around and around.
Self-care is important to me because it is essential for growth and transformation. Self-care is at the essence of the work my team and I do each and every day – advocacy for individuals who have or are facing intimate partner violence and sexual assault. This is a very heavy experience that requires us to be healthy and on our game.
I know these are harsh words, but if self-care has fallen to the bottom of your list due to lack of time and energy, it is essentially your own fault. You are creating excuses for yourself. I know the ease in which we can fall into this as we put ourselves at the bottom of the “to-do-list.” I challenge you to write down all your barriers to self-care and reflect; do a self-assessment. How are you going to flip these unhealthy patterns to healthy patterns? I challenge you to exercise self-discipline, boundaries and consistency in your New Year resolution of self-care. Make time to do the things you love. I don’t have to tell you all the benefits of self-care, the amount of talk and literature are overwhelming. So, what is stopping you from creating and exercising the necessary healthy habits you deserve?